Who needs meat?! Not me!

I'm a die-hard vegetarian...anything that runs, swims, flies, creeps, crawls, walks, etc, etc...I do not eat.  Ordinarily this is actually quite easy.  Being Indian there are plenty of veggie options and I live in a cosmopolitan city where finding vegetarian food is not difficult.  It's not always delicious or plentiful but it's usually easy to find.  But I struggle a little around the holidays because friends feel compelled to make vegetarian options but that usually means steamed string beans (did someone forget the flavor?) or mashed potatoes (fine but I'd like something not beige and bland on my plate please!).  And, I'm sorry, but Tofurkey?  Ew...No, thank you!

So finding a veggie dish that works well and fits in amongst the traditional holiday favorites is always always fun and a treat!  Well this holiday season, I decided to try my hand at a veggie version of stuffed cabbage.  No meat...just deliciousness.  And it was awesome.  Which was satisfaction in itself...getting to eat a yummy veggie treat while my friends were chowing down on meat and not being relegated to flavorless blah...but the BEST bit was watching my good friend, the meatatarian, take THIRDS of the stuffed cabbage.  Yeah!  If he can be converted anyone can!  Next stop - making a GOOD veggie burger that doesn't taste like boiled beans and nuts.

Confidence Must Be Sexy!

It's funny how in one moment your outlook can change so quickly!

At the moment, I'm carrying a couple of extra holiday kilos, the winter forces the packing away of all my alluring skirts, and I'm sure my nose gets a leeeetle bit red :-)  And yet, for some reason, I've been feeling good about myself...which, oddly enough, results in my feeling even better about myself!  Interesting cycle!

Strangely, it started on a day when I was feeling particularly down.  I was walking to work and feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders - behind in everything work-related, unclear about where my future was going to be, no romantic prospects on the horizon, and an interminable winter to look forward to (which I hate!).  But as I was morosely making my way, I suddenly decided right then and there that I was NOT going to be depressed/stressed/sad.  After all, I'm blessed with so much.  Instead, I took a deep breath, looked up and made myself smile.  At first it was an effort but oddly enough, within minutes there was a spring my step and the day looked good.

That change in attitude would have been lovely in itself...but somehow confidence really must be sexy.  Because despite the winter wear and the rudolph look, it seemed like I was now getting admiring glances from passers-by.  Ever notice that men only open and hold doors for good looking women?  Well, something about my newfound happiness must have brought a sparkle to my eye because all of a sudden it seemed like I didn't need to touch a single door.  And most importantly, my smiling exterior garnered me smiles from those I passed...happiness is contagious after all...making me even happier!

So for the last few weeks, despite being equally behind and stressed and despite the winter, I've been feeling fantastic and confident and sexy.  Which garners more smiles and admiring glances...making me feel even better about myself.  And that cycle seems to have translated into my romantic life as well because all of a sudden, romantic prospects abound as well...even thoughd I haven't done anything differently!  And in the "when it rains it pours" tradition, I also got an unsolicited job offer that would be a substantial promotion!  Very flattering!

Of course, some of this is my perception.  The smiles and glances may have been there before (albeit less frequently) but in my morose state, I doubt I'd have noticed them.  And perhaps the men around me are all very chivalrous and would have opened doors had I just given them a chance...maybe they even did and I didn't notice in the midst of my winter blues!  But I know it's not all perception...there definitely is a tangible change even accounting for the fact some of that change may be just the way I'm relating to the world.

I also know this is not a permanent guarantee for anything.  The job offer is in another city where I am not sure I want to live.  The romantic prospects are just that - prospects - and I'm awfully good at not following through at those!  And the confidence may wane as the stress takes over...it's all contigent on my maintaining this positive outlook.  But for now...I'm going to enjoy it all I can!  It's my new year's resolution.  After all, when you've got it...flaunt it!

So...my advice to anyone reading this blog...if you're feeling down, don't fret.  Take a deep breath, remember all you're blessed with and that there are others less fortunate...and smile.  If you make yourself smile for long enough, suddenly you really ARE smiling...and then the world smiles with you :-)

Ok enough cheese...time to go back to work so I can catch up and maintain the stress-free positive 'tude!!

Happy Holidays!

I'm not sure why everyone makes such a big fuss about which holiday you wish everyone.  Does it matter, really?  If I wanted to go around wishing for everyone to have a very happy Diwali, why would that be a bad thing?  Isn't that nice that I want everyone to have as good a day as I will?  So why does it matter whether someone wants me to have a merry Christmas or a happy Hanukkah...I'll take em all!  More goodwill, more good food, and maybe even more presents for all!

So...have a happy Hanukkah, a fantastic Festivus, a merry Christmas, a wonderful Kwanzaa, and most of all a fabulous New Year and even better year to come everyone!!!

Choosing to Love Your Spouse Forever...or Not - The Riddell/Partilla story

I was browsing the New York Times and saw this piece which has apparently been garnering a lot of attention about a married man and woman (not to each other) who fell in love with each other and left their respective spouses to be together...and then announced the story in a rather narcissistic fashion in the NY Times "Vows" section.  (Read the original article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/fashion/weddings/19vows.html)

The article itself is clearly a self-serving, propaganda piece put together by the couple and aided by NY Times in a disappointing and uncharacteristic move.  But it's been very interesting for me to read it and read the responses to it.  Particularly, I was intrigued (read: appalled) in this whole notion that they "couldn't help themselves" because they were "soulmates"...after all "you can't help who you love"...blah blah blah.  Bollocks...bollocks, I say!!

Marriage is a choice...you choose to commit your life to another person and then you reaffirm that choice every day by choosing NOT to cheat on your vows.  Yes, temptation lies at every corner.  And yes, one can choose to give in to them.  But to somehow imply that there was no choice involved, that cheating wasn't cheating because you were under the control of an irresistable urge/love is simply denying responsibility.  It's as if a 5th grader were to cheat on a test and when asked why by the teacher he were to say - "well, Teach, I didn't mean to cheat, really I didn't.  But I just couldn't help myself.  The perfect cheating manual came across my path and it was really just so wonderful and perfect for me, how could I not use it?"

It is not wrong to be attracted to someone when you shouldn't be...that's innate biology and chemistry.  I mean, I'm attracted to Johnny Depp at some level and even I know that that's just plain wrong :-)  But I choose to suppress and deny (!) that attraction completely and totally.  It's the only responsible and smart thing to do!

Oh well...in the end, who am I to judge Riddell/Patilla's choice...their life...their decision...their idiocy.  After all...some might say what they did is incredibly brave...they're both trusting their hearts to known cheaters!

Why not ask? Why not tell?

The US government is in the final stages of repealing it's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy regarding gays serving in the military.  This was a policy adapted in the Clinton era as a step forward from the prior rules prohibiting gays in the military and basically stated that no serviceman should be asked his sexual orientation and as long as he doesn't say he's gay, he can keep serving.  But if s/he's revealed to be gay, s/he's out.

At long last, that policy is about to be replaced by the only thing that makes sense - no discrimination based on sexual preference, and no repurcussions for those who disclose their orientation...at least no legal/official repurcussions.

The nay-sayers insist that this will be bad for unit cohesion, especially in combat.  Well here's my two cents for what little it's worth.  Yes, perhaps at first there will be resistance and discomfort.  Perhaps there will be some difficulties at the unit level initially.  However, all change causes - indeed requires - perturbation.  Change is never easy or comfortable.  But eventually the troops that are uncomfortable will adjust, they will learn that their gay colleagues are no different than themselves in what matters, and most importantly that it is the desire to service one's country with one's life that should matter...not who one finds attractive/loves.  After all, there was perturbation when laws were first changed to allow African American's to serve in an integrated military...but the military adjusted and recovered.

The least we can offer those who offer to give their lives for their country is the right to live their lives openly and without forced lies.

Why are some men so stupid?

Not all men...I know many very smart, world-wise men who know how to take care of their woman.  But some men...they're just boys!

In the last few months, I was "set up" with a guy who seemed, on paper, to have great potential. Intelligent, well educated, career commonalities, similarly politically minded, likely to be progressive in his values as he was brought up in the US but still traditional as his family was very grounded in Indian culture, well travelled, well read, blah blah blah.  In short, possibly Mr. Right.

But he ended up being oh so wrong!  Yes he's intelligent and well educated, but from talking to him further over the last few months, his education seems to be a path he drifted through primarily through parental encouragement but without passion.  Yes he's similarly politically minded but that's really it in terms of his interactions with the rest of the world.  He reads, he watches the Daily show...but he doesn't actually talk to people or believe in learning from the school of life.  Yes he's done some interesting things like travel through India for a few months between school and grad school...but when you actually ask him what he did and why, he couldn't seem to come up with anything.

And unfortunately, he turned out to be neither traditional nor progressive!

Despite having a traditional family, he doesn't speak Hindi...ok so that's not a total deal breaker.  But if you can't speak hindi, how are you going to sit through the dozens of bollywood films and hours of music I do?!  :-)  He also knew little about our festivals/rituals...and more importantly didn't seem to have much desire to learn.  In fact, he was so minimally connected to his Indian-ness that, other than his name and skin color...and his parents...it was hard to tell that he was Indian.  He didn't really seem to understand many traditional indian values or morality.

But he didn't balance that with being particularly progressive, either.  For example, he had no sense of how to act on a date or how to romance a girl.  You do NOT ask a girl to coffee/dinner for the first, second, or third time by text message a half hour before you want to go.  No!  A phone call is best but an email is a good second choice if that's how you've been communicating.  Give her time to make sure she's free...and to get all pretty before meeting you!   Oh and seriously, the fourth date/meeting you suggest really shouldn't be yet another coffee date.  I shouldn't have to suggest that we graduate beyond that, no?  And when you go out to dinner with a girl, shouldn't there be some effort to the whole thing - pick a nice restaurant in advance, maybe when you get there order some appetizers, offer dessert at the end...anything so there is a feeling that you are enjoying and maybe want to prolong the experience...not get in and out like a dentist's chair!  You might say, it's just that he wasn't interested.  And I wondered about that...but he would regularly text asking about going to dinner with no prompting or encouragement from me (always with little notice or advance planning...agh!) so there must have been some interest there.  

Truthfully though, all his problems stemmed from the same basic thing...lack of passion and conviction in anything.  No passion for his job, no passion for any particular values set, no passion for the people around him and his relationships with them, no passion in his dreams...basically no passion for life.  And that's the biggest tragedy I can imagine...what's the point of living if you don't do it with conviction and passion?  So perhaps he wasn't stupid so much as pitiable and sad.  Because I would hate to live life like that...with no anchor, no purpose, no direction.  To quote Thoreau:

“I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived.”